MMORPG Personality: Minion of the Succubus

Monday, April 28, 2014 | 9

We've got a big fucking problem. has created the next generation of cam-girls, and they're undermining feminism at an alarming rate. I'm talking, of course, about the e-prostitutes shaking their various currency-makers on camera for donations under the guise of 'professional gaming'. This is a natural void being filled by market demand, but who exactly is the consumer feeding these unemployed narcissists? What sad obese virgin would give money to a person with no qualifications other than being skinny enough to look at, but plain enough to seem approachable?

The Minion

Characterized by their compensatory chivalry towards complete oblivious strangers, the minion has a touch-and-go grasp on reality. Having never formed normal human relationships at their school or job, the minion buries themselves in an asocial hobby such as video-games or trance music. Like most aliens, they reach out to their hobby for social contact, and they find a mystical creature who obliges them with their insatiable lust for attention. Internet celebs.

An Example
Lana Del Rey performs on Saturday Night Live and is impressively terrible. Creeps emerge from their basement dwellings to leap to her defense. Why? Because she's fucking strange. She is just odd enough for a bunch of neck-beards to think that she would like them if she could only read their blog/manifesto. Guess what; She doesn't give a shit about you, and she would be creeped out by how much time you spend creating your lusty mental narrative.

This may seem like an isolated event, but his type of thing happens thousands of times a day in channel chat logs. It's sick, and everyone involved looks terrible. For fun, go check out a Twitch channel with a bunch of viewers and a female host. The chat log will be full of shameless sycophantry, and any comment not in-line with the circle-jerk will result in a troll label and insta-ban. Try it. It's fun.

What's the harm?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health problem, characterized by an excessive preoccupation with one's prestige or vanity. By feeding these Harpies, we're glorifying an illness that should be treated by professionals. It's sick and wrong. Worse than that, we're making their decision to be worthless free-loaders more attractive to future generations.

The Saddest Part is that this type of person prevents actual female gamers from feeling comfortable with transparency. We may never see a live-streamer with two x chromosomes who actually loves to game because popularity comes from wearing low-cut shirts and dancing during load screens (this is a real thing that I saw with my eyeballs). I talk about my real life all the time with my gaming friends, but if I had to guard myself against predatory nerd-stalkers with experience at web-cam hacking I would think twice about really being honest about anything. Especially my gender.

Freedom to Game

Don't you want to live in a world where people are judged for who they are, not what reproductive organ they were born with? Shitty people should all be treated like shit, and useless people should be flipping burgers, not living comfortably in front of a web-cam.

Also, to the minions: Have some self respect. Ladies aren't scary, so go out into the world and club one.


  1. This is a problem not just with twitch stream personalities but with pretty much everything! This sort of "fanboyism" for lack of a better term hurts anything it comes into contact with. I've seen games with promise for instance turn to utter shit because constructive criticism is denounced by the community and the Devs seem to quit doing their own thing to cater to this group of people. It's depressing!

  2. This is one thing that Kickstarter projects should be immune to in theory. If you achieve your funding goal, it's then your job to make the exact game that people paid to get.

  3. lol f*cking lol, just love you :-*

  4. Are you not taking this threat seriously?!

  5. Very well formulated. I consider this behavior as an extension of the whole realitydocu phenomena (Kardashians etc...). I despise the masses that grant legitimation to these cretins.

  6. But they have skills! They can like... sit... forever!

  7. +1 for a service that will ban you for showing out of game content. Live Streaming a game should be all about the game, not the cock holster playing it.

  8. It really has become a pageant. Gender aside, these weirdos are all soulless husks.

  9. Hard to displace gender as a major factor on this topic, it has always been an issue though. The only thing we can do as both gamers and normal human beings is not to take part in it, and call it out as you have.

    Going near a topic like this though usually get's you flamed by both women and gamer girl fan boys too which is annoying. I touched on some of this, as a result nothing good happened :)


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