The Third Annual I Hate MMORPG's Awards

Monday, August 12, 2013 | 38

Another year, another litany of shitty games.

Do you ever get the feeling that MMORPG's may actually be a lost cause? How many years have to pass since the fall of Ultima Online for gamers to petition that the entire genre be filed away under "Never Going to be Fun" with their esteemed cohorts: Social games? If you're not ready to give up, maybe I can help you with...

The World Famous I Hate MMORPG's Awards!

There were hundreds of nominees this year, and not everyone made the cut. If you think a game you've played was bad enough win an award, feel free to post write-ins in the comment section.

And the winners are...

  • Dumbest CommentersPlanetside 2 Fans! Congrats guys! You've earned it! Now stop. Saying that shitty FPS mechanics are okay because it's massively multiplayer is a stupid argument.
  • Terribad UIDarkfall Online! How small can you make icons? Too fucking small. Radial displays are pointless in a PC game.
  • Kickstarter Minecraft #82TUG! The Voxel age is in full bloom and ugly bearded programmers everywhere are trying to cash in! Aren't we a little beyond crap for the sake of crap as a society?
  • Saddest WoW CloneFinal Fantasy: A Realm Reborn! If you've ever wondered what Thrall would look like on a Chocobo, wonder no more!
  • Most Evil AssholesEA/BioWare! Charged people for a game that was designed to be free. Everyone who paid money for SWTOR should demand blood.
  • Most HypeEverquest Next! There isn't even a remote possibility that this game will be half as good as you think it will. (WARNING: CONTAINS VOXELS)
  • Most Likely to Attract WeirdosStar Citizen! Ever wonder what life on a space-ship would be like? Probably not dissimilar to the life you're living in your mom's basement with less Cheetos and more... mindblowing infinite vacuum.
  • Easy to QuitGuild Wars 2! We all know you bought this game because you can play it forever, but do you really want to? It was rhetorical. Stop talking to your monitor.
  • Biggest WasteNeverwinter! The Foundry makes me want to play the game, but the game makes me want to go mow my lawn.
  • Most Hilarious FailureThe War Z Infestation: Survivor Stories! The game was such an epic disaster that they changed the name and tried to cover it up! Judging by the backlash, it seems to have worked on some people!
  • Bending the RulesAge of Wushu! Once they added castration for the purpose of gaining kung-fu powers, my admiration for all non-Chinese martial arts disintegrated.
  • Weirdest Game/TV Show CrossoverDefiance! Play enough repetitive easy alien battles and you could be mentioned on a terrible show that nobody watches. I predict the game will out-last the show by years though.
  • Worst GameRagnarok Online 2. Yes, I tried it to write a funny review. No, I couldn't stomach enough to get a full paragraph. It sucks butt.

38 comments :

  1. About the hype...Surprisingly, I lose hype over time after something is announced and before is released.


    Example: My friends tried to get me into GW2 4 months before the release.The amount of information that was given to the public, full description of classes, spells, quest system, monsters, gameplay footage available on Youtube, It all caused me to lose all my interest in that particular game and never play it.

    It now happens with other titles more and more often. It probably will happen with Wildstar, cause I'm watching this game closely. The thing is that I don't understand the increase of hype prior to the release. I don't know, maybe I have 6th sense that tells me that particular product is abysmal but if someone would explain it to me, I'd be utterly grateful.

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  2. It hurts my writing to put on blinders for upcoming games, but I find that I can enjoy games a lot more if I don't realize all the broken promises that occurred. Mostly, I just assume that everything I read and hear is pure fiction. That way I can retain my sunny disposition.

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  3. Please write something up on Final Fantasy: A Realm Reborn


    The Open Beta is coming on the 17th, but you have only the 16th to download the game sadly [Square is retarded]

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  4. Thanks. I forgot about that. And this blind factor reminded me that I've treated Dota 2 that way (now downloading it). I hope this will bring those fresh, early day Starcraft 2 emotions, when game was not yet metagamed to hell;)

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  5. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have hundreds of hours of embarrassing failure logged in DOTA2.

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  6. I'm OK with losing. I'm new, so most likely suck at the game.

    I'm not OK with killing creative play, immediate balance changes to nerf any kind of innovation leaving players with only one viable playstyle.

    In case of Starcraft 2 where of all 16 units I am offered, I only can use 3 and only in a certain way. Everything else leads to certain and imminent death. And to nail the coffin there is no difference between maps. On every one of them you play exactly the same. There are no alterations to strategy you can make based on map you play. None. You don't have to think, you just have to click faster to win

    And the most sad part is: When you ask devs if they are happy with that, they say "Yes! That's what we've been aiming for the entire time!".

    I only hope that since DOTA is sort of fresh, it has some rough edges that will spice up the gameplay for a little while until they are also nerfed into the ground "In the name of eSports!" sigh...

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  7. Spoiler alert!


    He thinks it sucks

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  8. The experience from Beta to now really hasn't changed that much. They add heroes all the time, but you have to expect them to balance the shit out of a game like this. One thing I can say is that there are no useless heroes.

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  9. I think I'm the last person on the interwebs to find this site... so far, I think this person is 80% similar to me, except a bit more articulate and defined. I'm more brutal and evil, I dislike 90% of all gamers, and games, most of the time people playing these games are the exact kind of person I think should be killed off (in real life) as they are cowards, weak, boring, slow, pathetic little fat tubby mc fat fucks that don't care about the real world, so they would rather level up their characters and spend money on them instead of them selves....
    why don't more people play the game that matters most, life! try levelling up your self, get better at things, go to the gym, find a god damn girl, and bang the shit out of her (but not literally, that's a bit sick, id rather the shit stay in there). I forgot my point... uhm..... uhhh.....
    I need another energy drink, so I can continue writing hateful posts on SOE's forums. the moderator told me in private on SOE that he removed my post for being racist (only one time!) and threating SEO staff and using bad language... so to that I replied "no, actually I wasn't threatening SOE staff, I was threatening all of Sony employee's, so go fuck your self", then they banned me, go figure. I love life.

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  10. Careful. They control the TV markets!

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  11. I have three! IN MY HOME! WHERE MY CHILDREN ARE!!!!!!

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  12. Come now, tell us how you really feel.

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  13. NSA knows.

    Google knows.

    Microsoft probably knows.
    We're all screwed.

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  14. I love this website, keep doing what you're doing man.

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  15. I'm glad. I've been sort of on hiatus dealing with some BS. I'll get back to writing soon.

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  16. Don't worry, I'm sure there is treatment for you. Perhaps you are eligible for Obamacare? Do you have personal assistance, or are you wandering the internet unsupervised? Never mind that last question, the mere fact that posted here supports the contrary. I'm dialling 911...

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  17. Are those people even literate? I'd get someone else to post for a while, but then there would be shitty/wrong opinions everywhere.

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  18. This website is a refreshing review to this entire genre. There are so many things wrong with MMOs right now. The total lack of fear in making the wrong choice or dying is almost as bad as the idea that a developer should focus on everyone when marketing (as if a game that is marketed to everyone can be pleasing to anyone?!?). I have been irritated for years. Up until I found your website I thought I was the only one. I'm glad someone else is out there screaming what is wrong with these AAA big money developers throwing millions at a crap with no real goal until the very end. Oh, and before I end the rant train why the hell do developers keep releasing there god dam games not finished then going, "WOW this sucks!", and then deciding to go "back into development?" I'm looking at you darkfall 2/mortal online! Thank you for doing what you do!

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  19. Oh, I think they were finished, but they keep making games for niche players and being shocked that they aren't widely adopted.

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  20. THAT'S IT! No more common ugh...no more sense from you!

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  21. Sure, I'll bite.



    Why will EverQuest Next not be half as cool as I think? And I've read your FTP shtick, just call it sub-based, pretend the "free" thing isn't real (in fact, don't pretend) and move on. It's not Asian FTP.

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  22. The implication is that nothing could live up to the hype they've generated with their "dual-game" release. It could be a great game, but it won't live up to bloated expectations. Then again, that could really apply to any upcoming MMORPG. EQ2 was just the hottest news at the time this was published.

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  23. OK we all know EQ2 is a disaster now, but they had good intentions, it's what 10 years old? They gave up on making EQ2 unique years ago.



    Their marketing buzzwords (granted, not always to be trusted) are a lot of the same things you want in a game (me too). Depending on how truthful they are (and since it's their baby, I'm leaning toward truthful), could be great; and they have a community built in from all different modern games that played EQ, that they can steal back with just the slightest good sense on their part. My guess is anyone who played EQ circa 1999 (right here) who has even ONE creative bone in their body will frantically throw money at the keyboard and press their nipples to their computer screen for even the barest hope they could build something to be featured in Next. And that's the absolute best people to get to build your game to get it to not piss off your constituents, right? Your constituents?



    They're implying that much of the game will be player generated. How could that go wrong?


    Well I can answer that. If the mechanics suck. But all news from that end is so far good (and there is lots of news). Art direction scared me for a while but it could work.


    Hype level=appropriate.

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  24. I played EQ and immediately quit because it was inferior to Ultima Online in every way (until 'real' UO died in the late 90's/early 00's). The types of things they're trying to break ground with in EQ:N were originally bricks laid by Ultima Online, and they deviated from that path for a reason when they made EQ. Mass appeal is the most important quality for game publishers, like SOE, and the only sandbox game to ever "make it" in this modern era has been EvE Online.


    Until people are playing it, we have no proof that they're not just talking. Remember, Darkfall was supposed to have all these features in 2004.

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  25. I also played UO, though I was like 8 so it's hard to be reminiscent about that. EQ captured my attention more with those UBER GRAPHICS. D00d, you could choose from like, SIX faces.



    So what, they're trying to replicate the feeling both of us had playing that/those games 15 years ago. That's a positive, not a negative. They're trying (at least trying) to emulate the feeling of danger and excitement we got grinding our respective ways through orc hill/the field of bone. At least they're trying, not faking, that's A LOT more than you can say for comparable "AAA companies" as you put it.



    The king of mass appeal is Blizzard, not SOE. Don't get confused.


    Very true that we actually don't know until people (Asian people, by your formula) are playing it. You owe me a blow job if it doesn't suck (in line with the general misogyny of this blog).

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  26. I'd say that my tendency is more towards hyperbole than misogyny, but ironic blowjobs aside, I'm not saying the game will be bad. I'm just saying that it can't live up to unrealistic expectations.


    Blizzard, in all fairness, defined mass-appeal. World of Warcraft created an audience that other lesser developers now enjoy the fruits of by making giant leaps in UX design, so I try not to be too critical of the company (despite the Diablo 3). I'd say it's far worse to copy someone else's work than it is to fail by your own ideas. That being said, there haven't been many MMO releases in the last 6-7 years that haven't been attempting to emulate WoW's success by copying it outright (Warhammer, Rift, SWTOR, etc).

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  27. Blizzard PLAGIARIZED my first love as much as copyright law allows and then made billions by dumbing it down so every human with a pulse could do it successfully for a few bucks every once in a while. = Blizzard's business model.



    There is hyperbole AND misogyny. On multiple posts. Just FYI. I mean just so you know, it's not like you wrote it or anything.



    I have a really irrationally extreme hatred of everything WoW. -.- Don't compare us, them's fightin words. There is literally NOTHING positive to take from WoW.


    I can't believe the fad hasn't died out yet. Though I hear the Kung Fu Pandas may have killed it for the "HC WoWers" (lol).

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  28. It's very hard to form a plagiarism suit over video-game genres because legislators think the internet is a series of tubes. That being said, WoW was in development for nearly a decade, and they spent all of that time defining the way that user interfaces would work for the next century. Regardless of if you enjoy the content of the game, they made a quality product and that's why people play it.


    World of Warcraft shouldn't be fun to anyone over the age of 13, and their target audience seems to be younger than that. That doesn't mean that they did everything wrong, it just means that millions of people are pedogamephiles (eh?).

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  29. Texan, not Candadian, eh.


    WoW is not a quality product. Sorry but you've destroyed any CS major credibility you had with that statement.

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  30. Wow that's the cornhole capital of Texas! (Houston here)



    /bow

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  31. Wow all the games listed really do suck. And the hype for the new games that are coming out is so stupid. Paying full price and another 15 a month for these games is just sad. The same gameplay from 1999 nothing new at all. Go kill 10 of this ,bring me back 10 of this is still in these games. 60+ dollars and another 15 a month for these games.

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  32. I want to see another best of anonymous series so bad, please Miguelito make my day.

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  33. I had to amend the title because people can now punch any name in: http://www.ihatemmorpgs.com/2013/09/the-comments-hall-of-excellence-vol-2.html#.UzHVlvldVec


    Other than that, most comments now are much less inflammatory for whatever reason.

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