The 2 Types of DOTA2 Players (on NA)

Friday, August 16, 2013 | 10

Despite being free-to-play, everyone who plays DOTA2 is a rich, handsome, intelligent, successful entrepreneur who has excellent and unselfish sexual intercourse with their model wife. I know this because they openly discuss each of these attributes with complete strangers who they'll never speak to again. Why would they lie? These qualifications aside, I've realized that on North American servers, there are really only two types of people who are actively participating in the most serious of games in the most serious of genres. They are:


Pros in DOTA2 immediately start talking in voice communication with their naturally gruff and manly voice about how they hope you're not a 'faggot' and buy wards and the courier. You can tell they're cool because they're always speaking over loud dub-step soundtracks that come on when they activate their push-to-talk key. Undoubtedly the pro claims to have played in several DOTA2 tournaments and spends his leisure time watching pro matches on Twitch.

How to silence the Pro:

The younger generations are extremely hostile, but also non-confrontational, so be as direct as possible when describing the nature of your disdain for the pros you play with. They haven't ever been criticized at home or in school, due to our anti-bullying culture, so they will completely stop talking and probably mute you so they don't need to be subjected to your alien perspective anymore.

While it may be tedious to play with 'pros', they're really what you hope for when matchmaking since the alternative won't understand anything you're talking about.


The second type of DOTA2 player on NA servers are Mexicans. They disconnect constantly and ask you questions in random languages as if you're supposed to understand them. They may be speaking Russian or Portuguese, but it wouldn't make sense for Russians to queue on servers so far away, so rest assured, they're all just clever multi-lingual Mexicans. When you ask why Mexicans are on NA servers, they undoubtedly will respond saying that they're from Quebec, or wherever, but they aren't. They're just liars and should be scolded and reported for feeding. Make sure to alert the opposition about your ethnic barriers so they can claim to sympathize as they stomp your awful team into the ground.

Their main tactic is feeding the opposition relentlessly as they yell their weird Latin nonsense into the microphone. Occasionally one of them will have looked up DOTA2 related English phrases on the web and call you 'nob' or claim that, 'you are stupid noobz', attepmting to parrot things they've seen pros say. In the end there is only one way to enjoy DOTA2 when playing with this demographic. Quit.

Ultimately, everyone who plays pub games of DOTA2 is awful.


  1. I wonder why you didn't publish something about League of Legends yet , this game just manage to gather all the garbage from the new generation gaming/internet.Give it a try i am sure you 'll be glad to express your critics on a long post. :D

  2. If you've played one MOBA, you've played them all.

  3. Hmm, not sure about that:
    -they have the worst community i ever seen , "2/20"
    -The game content beside (heroes) are the same since realease
    -I think they have the biggest fanboi ish club after WoW.
    -The game is prebuild you just have to log in and mash 3 button.
    -You can even be on a party where everyperson posses 2 of the mmorpg personality that u posted about.

    Dota 2 is different:
    Lets not be hypocrite
    the gameplay is far more complicated than LoL
    People generally talk about the game/don't talk at all/and few trash talk
    In a way i think it is better.

    If you played it already , it's weird that you didn't post about it, or have we found the favorite game of miguelito......../twitch?miguelito//:LoL

  4. I was unable to play it for more than a few sessions. It just seemed like a sess pool for retards, but I don't think DOTA players are much better. You always have a 50/50 chance of being paired with a group of vicious morons.

  5. You forgot to mention the Mexicans (even tho they live in California, Texas, or Arizona) do not know that the fraternal order of the [Doofus and Rufus] Klan exists and choose to reply in a way such as "kkk" or if they have mastered the concept you are describing, or you're annoying them, you'll get a longer string of "kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk"

  6. your fucking retarded theres alot of mexicans and hispanics in Quebec.

  7. No, "you're" fucking retarded. kkk jajaja


  9. yeah, that is like when star wars fans think they're different from twilight fans.


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