MMORPG Personality - The Role Player

Thursday, June 7, 2012 | 7

Roleplaying is for 8 year olds.

As a matter of fact, most roleplayers are small children, but to them it is called "imagination". "Adult Roleplaying" can be defined as a non-athletic activity designated for the morbidly obese and/or avian boned basement troglodytes and (non-female)ponytail enthusiasts. Furries are roleplayers. On a social hierarchy, they'd probably sit somewhere between e-sports gamers and pedophiles.

But that has nothing to do with MMORPGs!

Right, but this concept contrasts starkly with MMORPGs that actually present you with all of the pieces so you don't have to pretend to be somewhere else. Both are harmless enough on their own, but when the perfect storm of roleplayers and a MMORPG converge, the result is a shameful display of virgin obesity.

The role of these losers is to absorb the contempt of literally every other player, while contributing nothing other than a tangible definition of the low-end of the totem pole. They get together with their "thou" and "thee" talk, and get stomped into the ground by any mid-range gamer with a good sense of humor.

How to spot a Roleplayer

The easiest way to spot a Roleplayer is by name. While normal people name themselves thematic puns like Vietgnome, a roleplayer is guaranteed to have a lore-appropriate name... Like Legolas... It's safe to say that 85% of roleplayers are some derivation of "Legolas", such as "Lagoles" or "Legolos". If you ever see someone with a name that looks like Legolas, greet them with the customary RP greeting, "Sup pimp?"

This is not fool proof, however, because someone named Legolas could also be an 8 year old. You'll find that the way you deal with 8 year olds doesn't differ greatly from how you deal with roleplayers, as they are quite similar.

How to defeat a Roleplayer

That's easy. To beat him at the game, just run around erratically mashing your keyboard hot-keys. This will succeed because fat deposits prevent their fingers from fighting back.

To actually "defeat" a roleplayer, however, you must employ psychological warfare. This can typically be accomplished by coaxing them with something that looks roleplayish like, "Hail traveler", followed by something that immediately breaks their immersion.

"Hail traveler, I fucked your mom like 6 times, yo!" usually works.


  1. I agree. This is accurate.

  2. Ponytails are pretty great at keeping strands of hair from falling onto the floor where they start to mix with the dust bunnies. Which gets really annoying when it's time to collect all the dust and deposit it in a trash bag.

    Though if I cut my hair I guess I'd have time to shower more often, and more of the dead skin cells would wash away into the pipes instead of falling to the floor to become dust. But then I'd have to pay for haircuts. Or find some awkward way of cutting my own hair. Or shave my head. Meh.

  3. They're also great for Renaissance Fairs, :D

  4. Hmp. I resent this. I'm a fairly normal woman, I have a job, a house, a family, etc. I don't live with my parents. I'm not obese. But I enjoy role play. Imagination isn't immature. I have friends that are role players who are also normal in every respect. My manager role plays and he's been married, divorced and has 2 kids. So that's a pretty normal life. Also, he used to run his own business, so pretty successful as well. The divorce had nothing to do with the role playing. My husband likes role play, and he also runs his own business. I hate stereotypes. And there are already enough stereotypes to try to make people like us rejected by society, do we really need to add to it? geek, nerd, dweeb, the list of insults goes on and on for people who enjoy using their minds and imaginations. Personally I'd rather be friends with a creative, intelligent "nerdy" person, than some dumb jock with a tan. And if some of these people neglect their social life a bit because of their interests, so what? Mountain climbers, and die-hard athletes of all sorts do the same, but instead of insulting them, we put them on tv and follow them around with expensive camera equipment. It's messed up.

    Now, I will admit, there are role players out there that are like you described. But there are people like that that DON'T role play as well. Stop putting us all in a box.

    And there are quite a few role players out there who are a little bit too pussy for my taste, if you know what I mean. I don't know if some of them feel too desperate or something, but they get into the "woman worship" department and that really ticks me off. Most american women like that shit, but it's bass ackwards and it makes me nauseous. But again, this is something I find heavily in gamers of all sorts, even the non-roleplaying kind. And in the United States I dare say that even non-gamers are getting dangerously close to being heterosexual in name only. Real men are an endangered species. Hollywood has destroyed nearly all of them. But that's another subject...

  5. I feel like you're unaware of the hyperbolic tendencies of this site.

  6. Hyperbolic could mean many things. I'm unsure of your application. But I think you mean "differing from the popular opinion." If that is the case, then why have you chosen to repeat a cliche?

  7. hyperbolic: (of language) exaggerated; hyperbolical.

    It's a joke. Relax.


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