The "G" Stands for Game. Stop Being a Bitch.

Thursday, May 10, 2012 | 17

The book on sanity has been revised.

Fat people take their MMORPG playing way too seriously. This is a statement of fact evidenced by the comment section of every review I've ever done. This would be fine, but this new prototype of the "hardcore" gamer believes some things which are factually wrong. Let's correct them.
  • Misconception 1: Griefers are assholes in real life.

    Wrong, fatso. People play videogames for fun, and well adjusted people play MMORPGs for the same reason. When someone kills you in a MMORPG, it is because that person enjoys the satisfaction of unscripted conflict. It's called competition, and it is extremely healthy and normal.

    The one who is fucked up is you. If you ever feel like someone murdering you in a game is somehow adversely affecting your life, you need to reassess how much time you lurch over your desk every day. Games are games, and normal people can easily distinguish the line between a griefer and a serial killer. Grow a pair.
  • Misconception 2: Factions make my character safer from griefers.

    Wrong again, pudge. A system where half, or more recently a third, of all players can't attack or be attacked by you is an open invitation for those people to find ways to annoy you without any possible retribution. Scammers, ninja-looters, and children can all easily ruin your gaming experience, and you can't do a damn thing about it.

    A no-faction open PvP system allows for self-policing within games. If someone is behaving like an asshole, you're allowed to correct their behavior. This is what we call "street-justice". Get you some.
  • Misconception 3: The endgame justifies the grind.

    Wrongo, you big lump of pudding. If a game forces you to do tedious busywork for hours, that game sucks, and you should be angry as hell. People are so jaded with MMORPGs now that they stick out for hours just because some sponsored reviewster tells them it will be worth it. Guess what! Those reviewers are paid for by the games they advertise.

    When a pedestrian game like SWTOR has any success, it is because the unscrupulous hacks in the MMO review community have received money for writing a bullshit fluff piece. Apparently fooling a flock of mindless drones into buying the next WoW clone is quite easy if you have no soul. Demand more.

Some of you will be thinking...

Doesn't this all seem like common sense? Yes, to people with common sense, it does. Sadly, online gamers are generally behind that common-sense bell curve. If this impassioned plea for the MMO community to re-assess their foundation doesn't work, we could always try punching. Fat people are often susceptible to punching.

Oh, you may have noticed that I added a shitty forum to the site. Feel free to rage at me there, or leave a comment below.


  1. Funny and true! --> "Scammers, ninja-looters, and children can all easily ruin your gaming experience, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

  2. Funny and true! --> "Scammers, ninja-looters, and children can all easily ruin your gaming experience, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

    The wordpress plugin for blogger blows.

  3. I agree that Endgame doesn't justify a boring, mind-numbing grind, but I don't agree that Endgame is a bad philosophy. Granted, having "no endgame" is definitely a more creative and expansive idea for the user.

    If there is endgame, make the journey to endgame more fun. I remember AC2, EQ and WoW was fun to level (even doing it again was fun). I think the biggest problem is everyone has moved from enjoying the social aspects of leveling to just wanting to raid or do "structured" PvP which has lead developers to cater to that demographic.

    Since there hasn't been a developer to have major success with a forced-social leveling experience, which might be because studios get far, far too ambitious and end up releasing an incomplete game (like Vanguard) that falls on it's face and to save it, they make it more "WoW-like".

    I don't know, but I still believe a game can be great with endgame, but I haven't played one since Blizzard started gutting their leveling content during Burning Crusade.

    In any case, I'm pretty sure you're the greatest blogging personality I've read on any gaming site (which is, unfortunately, a lot).

  4. As a sandbox guy, I tend to think that the End Game is just the carrot evil people dangle in order to milk subscription fees out of you. Now that we're moving away from subscriptions and towards a P2W model, it is more lucritive than ever to drag out the boring parts, and the End-Game is now a thing of the past.

    That being said, misconception 3 was sort of a tacked on feature (like battlegrounds). I just needed a third so I could vent about whiny fat people.

  5. When a pedestrian game like SWTOR has any success, it could also be because there are loads of people out there who like Star Wars but haven't played any MMORPGs before. And to them ANY kind of MMORPG would probably feel AWESOME. Because the first time is always the best. I don't see how else I could have fond memories of the grindfest that was DikuMUD?

    Though I'm not sure if this applies to my non-fat RPG-buddy who praised SW:TOR last time he was here. It's quite likely that he has played MMORPGs before. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm the old jaded misfit, because I don't like any games the way I used to. I'm not sure I'd be able to recognise quality if I saw it.

  6. I did an article earlier about muds. It's not a grind when you're having fun, I guess?

  7. I agree with you, especially on point 3. When you are playing a game, the "grind" part of the game should be fun, otherwise you are playing a shitty game that is not fun most the time. Or ever.

    I made the mistake of buying SWTOR (to play with friends) knowing it was a WoW clone and I hate WoW. It had been so many years since I'd last played one of these kind of bullshit MMOs, I'd forgotten just how bad it was.

  8. Killing MOBs just to get XPs is always a grind, whether I happen to enjoy it or not. I was mainly doing it to reach the maximum level, because at that time we didn't lose levels when dying, so once I hit the maximum level I was free to die as much as I wanted with no fear. I still lost tons of XP, but since I couldn't level up anyway it was all the same. And with no fear of death it was easier to do what I really enjoy: Exploring!

    Which is probably why I'm bored with games nowadays. I have already 'explored' the gameplay of a multi-player world.

  9. Therein lies the problem. The whole, 'played one, played them all' mindset shouldn't be valid for videogames, but when the same game is being made over and over (WoW, WAR, RIFT, SWTOR) and over it's harder to find differences than similarities.

  10. As an athletic, lean (though sometimes neckbearded) male "harcore" gamer with a decade and a half of MMO experience, I have to disagree almost entirely.

    Without delving too deep into the psychology of it, I can count on 1 hand the people I've met that really enjoy griefing that are actually "well-adjusted". Just to clarify, by griefing I mean above and beyond whats necessary, beneficial, or encouraged by in game mechanics. In my vast experience, griefers have been, with few exceptions, either pompous self absorbed douche bags, and/or a bunch of mouth-breathing sociopaths with mommy/daddy issues (products of a failed upbringing) and the kind of people I'd never hang out with IRL, nor would I trust to be around my children alone. This comes from a great deal of personal interaction in fps and pvp mmos both in game and on voip.

    Misconception 2 true for the most part, but not absolutely.

    The end game should justify the grind, BUT the end game shouldn't have to justify the grind. If the grind sucks, the grind sucks and it should be fixed to suck less.

    Nothing bores me more than an mmo where everyone is the same. There should always be distinction, from the skills and abilities you pick for your character, to the level you've attained in said abilities. This instant gratification mentality is exactly what killed MMOs, and anyone whos done any reading or whose played UO/EQ or any old games knows exactly what I mean.

    However, often it doesn't. Without the social aspect Mark Duckworth mentioned, games will often fall short. If the content and progression in the mid-game isn't meaningful, of course it seems justifiable to expedite the process. This, however, shouldn't be the case.

    I loved leveling through most old games. There was enough competition that existed in different level brackets for mid-game to be entertaining. Everyone has to be low level, the risk is what is exciting, enticing and an incentive to become stronger. The fact that another, more powerful, player can swoop in and kill you at any time adds a whole dimension of challenge to the game. Inversely, if you never get to be more powerful than other players, what is the point? Big fish need little fish...

  11. First of all, too long. Secondly, circumstantial evidence aside, anyone whose gaming persona translates to real life should probably seek immediate help.

    As for 2, what's wrong with a learning curve and player ability driving advancement? Sure, shitty gamers won't play, but they are satisfied in Farmville anyhow.

  12. I guess you should have defined the 'Griefer' more precisely. It seems you're taking higher level players (doing whatever they want to) where player killing is allowed. In that case, I agree. One should have not entered that arena unless you have guts.

    But, if you include perverts, children, and douches... uh oh, I believe you are the one who need mental care.

  13. Most people would agree that being a child does in fact translate to real life...


  14. Points 1 and 2 are negated by point 3. If I play a game for fun, why in the world would I want to deal with griefing? I expect games to be well built enough to take care of the trouble makers. I expect moderation, and the ability to opt-out of PVP.

    You're naive if you think that all the bad behaviors perpetrated in these games are done by children. I have known too many of these folks, the guild "regulars". There are lots of mentally and physically disabled people playing video games who are so competitive because that's the only thing they have in their lives. Normal society doesn't hear about them because they're depressed and mostly housebound. A lot of them are angry at the world and they enjoy taking it out on other people. I'm glad that the internet gives them a way to socialize, but not at my own expense.

  15. If you're Opting out of player interaction, play something single player. Having random encounters of 'troublemakers' makes MMOs more exciting.

  16. If you're Opting out of player interaction, play something single player. Having random encounters of 'troublemakers' makes MMOs more exciting.


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