Social Gaming - I hate Zynga

Thursday, August 18, 2011 | 9

I'm fairly annoyed today...

Chain mail bullshit has gone nuclear. Parents and Grandparents fill up your e-mail spam filters, but that isn't even enough anymore. With the ever growing popularity of social networking, evil "game" developers have discovered a new way to make you wish you had never told anyone over 30 about Facebook.

FarmVille is the ultimate devolution of online gaming.

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of making all your friends and family click the "ignore all posts by [insert douchebag]", but Zynga has managed to alienate an entire generation of pseudo-gamers from their social circles.


I call them pseudo-gamers because the so called 'games' released by leaches like Zynga hardly even register as anything aside from a mindless left-click simulator. In this respect, they resemble MMORPGs, only far worse. The only goal in social gaming is to fan out as many invites to your soon-to-be ex-friends as possible in hopes that one of them will be jealous of your barn strongly enough that they will pay actual dollars for a barn of their own.

Essentially, you are marketing for a faceless empire free of charge to your unsuspecting friends and family while performing a repetitive and tiresome activity. In other words, social gaming is an exercise in modern slavery, only nobody feeds you or provides a shelter for you to sleep in.

And Zynga is Valued Around 5 Billion Dollars...

Are you ready to kill yourself yet? Well too bad because you're probably partially to blame. None of this would have ever been possible if we hadn't told the elderly and our dumber acquaintances about technology that they couldn't possibly use responsibly. Wikipedia fell victim to the same thing, and that is why all articles not about Pam non-stick spray are locked.

Free is Never Free

This sort of all falls into the same category as my Free to Play post from months back. When your crack dealer runs out of crack-heads, the first thing he does is give someone stupid crack for free. Ultimately everyone pays for their crack one way or another. The best option is to not smoke crack, but I would rather smoke crack for the rest of my life than get another Facebook game request.

I wanted to give something new a shot

If there is anything you'd like my opinion on, leave it in a comment or shoot me an e-mail and I'll write about it. It turns out that I'm really not creative enough to pick a new topic more than once a week.


  1. Not that it's something needed to be posting, but perhaps a part 2 of Guild Wars 2 Preview? Since your last post aobut it, a lot of new info has sprung up about it. Frankly it looks like a hardcore RPG fan's nightmare, but god damn it, its looks somewhat different from the mold.

  2. It does seem like they legitimately want to make an entertaining MMORPG, but they're walking a very slippery slope with their cash shop/expansion revenue model.

    I say this mostly because a conflict of interest exists where it would be in their best interest to make something people only play for a week. I may revisit all my previews as 1 post in the future.

  3. You have nothing on Runescape yet? o.O

  4. I played UO when Runescape was popular... Maybe I should re-examine it?

  5. Thanks for the thoughts! I do enjoy (some) MMORPG's along with other genres. However, Zynga can die in a fire. A blazing inferno of never ending doom.

  6. Definitely agree with this article Zynga tends to be a target for my Facebook ire a lot. Ranted about them a few times on my show. I did manage to give the walking dead game a try and gave my opinion on the whole pay for stupid game currency and spam family and friends to oblivion gripes. The things I do for a paycheck...


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