MMORPG Personality - The Royal Tactician

Tuesday, May 17, 2011 | 10

Have you ever been guilted into running some boring ass dungeon by a group of friends? Have you ever been halfway through and wondered quietly to yourseld, "how could I have even less fun doing this"? The answer: Add a self-proclaimed tactical genius to your group!

The Royal Tactician is...

a major douche bag. Every time you do anything, he has already done it 'over a thousand times', and he consistently informs you of that fact. He only has one strategy; the best strategy. Any unique or clever plans to speed up the tedium of cookie cutter thinking is immediately met with a sizable temper tantrum followed by a meltdown.

Be very careful teaming up with this brainiac because if something doesn't go his way, he will immediately leave the party and post something defamatory on any available public forum about how 'noobs' don't follow instructions. Because he failed out college, the royal tactician has a significant inferiority complex which means that he will not accept that you have a better plan regardless of repeated failure.

On top of all this, he is almost always terrible at playing whatever game he is an expert in.

Identifying the Royal Tactician

There are numerous calling cards and catch phrases that will help you weed out General Buzzkill from your groups. The second you hear one of the following, you can start looking for a replacement:

1. Why didn't you (insert skill) when the (insert monster) did (insert attack)?
2. We're all set guys, I've been running (insert dungeon) all (insert impossible timeframe)!
3. I kept saying, "go left!" Why didn't anyone go left?

Remember, even if RT has actually done something as many times as they say they have, the issue is that they are trying to establish their qualifications as the new leader of your group. Online games are so easy now days that it is less of a headache to play with a new player than it is to deal with assholes bossing you around.

The purpose of a game is to have fun, dipshits.

The Royal Tactician isn't...

exclusive to MMORPGs. In a FPS, he is known as captain tactics and is considerably more defamatory. In a RTSs, he is known as Asian. In RPGs, he is an annoying tertiary NPC...

Leave comments, assholes!

Agree or disagree, let me know because I crave attention.


  1. Good point. Can you be more specific?

  2. Archetypes are for the lazy, no two people are the same, so it is stupid to try and generalize people into sepperate groups when really, everyone has some of this in them, along with everything else. Not really stupid I guess, just moot.

  3. actually i have a "friend" who is exactly like this, and have met this guy plenty of times in games, the real question is why get so upset at something that doesn't effect you at all?

  4. Oh, I'm definitely not upset. I'm just poking fun at various caricatures that exist within MMORPGs that otherwise wouldn't exist. If you read anything I've written, you should keep in mind that I'm not emotionally invested in anything :P

  5. general buzzkill sounds like a captain planet villain, no?

  6. Not to be confused with Buzz Killington, the cherished Family Guy character.

  7. So easy to tell the teenagers posting here. Only kids take generalized insults to heart.

  8. There is a little bit of dumbshit in all of us.

  9. Never really ran a "dungeon" before playing GW2, but I can say this stereotype is pretty bang on. I'd rather play with a clueless newbie than one of these socially retaded morons. Nearly every time I get one of these people, they are actually terrible at the game themselves and hinder the group by giving bad strategic advice and ignoring everyone else's ideas.


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