Tuesday, May 17, 2011 | 10
Have you ever been guilted into running some boring ass dungeon by a group of friends? Have you ever been halfway through and wondered quietly to yourseld, "how could I have even less fun doing this"? The answer: Add a self-proclaimed tactical genius to your group!
The Royal Tactician is...a major douche bag. Every time you do anything, he has already done it 'over a thousand times', and he consistently informs you of that fact. He only has one strategy; the best strategy. Any unique or clever plans to speed up the tedium of cookie cutter thinking is immediately met with a sizable temper tantrum followed by a meltdown.
Be very careful teaming up with this brainiac because if something doesn't go his way, he will immediately leave the party and post something defamatory on any available public forum about how 'noobs' don't follow instructions. Because he failed out college, the royal tactician has a significant inferiority complex which means that he will not accept that you have a better plan regardless of repeated failure.
On top of all this, he is almost always terrible at playing whatever game he is an expert in.
Identifying the Royal TacticianThere are numerous calling cards and catch phrases that will help you weed out General Buzzkill from your groups. The second you hear one of the following, you can start looking for a replacement:
1. Why didn't you (insert skill) when the (insert monster) did (insert attack)?
2. We're all set guys, I've been running (insert dungeon) all (insert impossible timeframe)!
3. I kept saying, "go left!" Why didn't anyone go left?
Remember, even if RT has actually done something as many times as they say they have, the issue is that they are trying to establish their qualifications as the new leader of your group. Online games are so easy now days that it is less of a headache to play with a new player than it is to deal with assholes bossing you around.
The purpose of a game is to have fun, dipshits.