MMORPG Personality - Women of the Internet

Thursday, April 14, 2011 | 22

Online social networking is a huge part of our culture now whether we like it or not. One of the main draws of online gaming is certainly the social aspect of it, but it also provides you an opportunity to redefine yourself to a group that doesn't have preconceptions about you.

Just like in real life, there are no original people on the internet. That is why I've created a new feature called, "MMORPG Personality". I will be systematically breaking down each prototypical MMORPG player into easily measurable categories. Lets start with the most poignant.

Oh, the fabled goddesses of the inter-web... I'm not going to go so far as to say that all women in the real world are so easily defined, but for all intents and purposes there are only two types of MMORPG women.

Type 1: Men

First, let me clarify: Not all men masquerade as women in attempts to fool unsuspecting passers by to perform lewd sex fantasies with them. Some people merely see the concept of being treated like twisted royalty alluring. Just like in real life, female characters in MMORPGs have all their needs fulfilled by various desperate men.

Don't get the wrong impression because eventually all shemale pretenders end up taking it further than they originally ever intended for monetary compensation. The worst thing about some women in MMORPGs being men is that MOST women in MMORPGs are men. As for those that aren't, we have another charming and not-at-all offensive category.

Type 2: Emotionally Disturbed

You've seen this type before. A woman who loves to play video games? Sounds perfect, right? No. Men and women are very different creatures, so when a woman starts doing things that a man almost exclusively enjoys, it sets off an alarm in the back of my mind.

The queen of the local arcade is the master (or mistress) of nerds, but sadly those crazy outbursts of violence, profanity, nudity, or general indecency aren't isolated incidents. You're dealing with a broken human being. Tread carefully around this beast, or you could end up splattered on the business end of a retro-chic Volvo station wagon. Many men have tried to tame this dragon, but few have been able to tolerate the flames.

I suppose there could be the third type: girls who play games because their boyfriends destroyed their self esteem, but that would be too depressing to drone about.

Until next time, leave me some comments about how amazingly right I am.


  1. You are absolutely right. Men play women either to get free stuff, be treated like a queen
    ...or because they like it.

    Don't come with the ass staring argument, because if you stare at a guy's ass all day, than you have issues.

  2. Glad you enjoyed it. I've had people deliver that argument to me before, but there is supposed to be at least some elements of RP in a MMORPG. I'm simply not capable of wrapping my mind around the idea of being female. Not to mention, in the back of my mind, I'd always be thinking that a male character is probably physically stronger... Right?

    Call me old fashioned...

  3. Type 2 would be more true if video games were played by "men", but let's be honest here, those of us playing these games are the weakest and most feminine of our sex. The luxury of the internet is really the only reason we can still refer to ourselves as "men" and not dwell on the fact that if we had been born 1k years ago we'd be on our knees choking back a mouthful of something awful.


  4. Anon,
    That is an inaccurate generalization considering many of our great minds and famous athletes are playing video games. It's nice to see how low your opinion of yourself is though!

  5. Hmm, since we like to generalize...

    All "men" playing video games must live in mommy's basement, shower once a week if we're lucky, don't know how to use a toothbrush and drone on an on about how amazing they are in guild chat (or would that be too depressing)?

    Sorry... I must be one of those emotionally disturb females playing video games...

  6. You're certainly not making a good case for yourself. ;)

  7. Wow what a narrow minded view on female players. I grew up playing games, was raised by people who didn't force gender roles into things like video games since it seemed like a thing kids would be into. I wont claim to be a perfect human being but all walks of life are gaming now even older people thanks to easy consoles like the wii so to have this view on females gaming in this day and age baffles me. I should not be shocked though growing up I heard from closed minded people that women don't game, when I got into online muds heard "you must be a dude" and still run into that in mmos but honestly your private parts should not be important in what makes you a gamer and it does not mean that there are any less then socially unstable men out there playing buffed dudes in games to. I came to this site to read a fresh perspective this article saddens me amongst some of the better ones I have read. But I just chalk it up to your opinion.

  8. My primary goal is always going to be comedy. Most likely, you will fit into some other MMO personality better than women. I often find gender extremely subjective on the internet.

    As an aside, I definitely do know many guys who make female characters, and this was a deliberate attack at them. You guys are awful.

  9. I'd suspect that the two categories you give basically encompass the human race. Admittedly, some people might qualify for both.

  10. I'm a female that enjoys playing video games with her 2 brothers and cousins. My father is also very present in my life and I got no beef with him. Seems that your black and white view of female players could use some shades of grey. I will agree with you on the males masquerading as women but it seemed that most of them did it for free things rather than sexual interests, though now we know why YOU create female characters.

  11. Hyperbole is fun that way. It seems more socially acceptable with the younger generation.

  12. I had my "woman gamer" cherry broke with a hot brunette in Everquest circa 2003. After a particularly boner-inspiring cyber-make-out-session (read: one of many), she confessed to me that she was really an over-weight, bearded gay guy from Arkansas (true story!). So traumatized was I that from that point on every "woman gamer" was an over-weight, bearded gay dude from Arkansas until I heard otherwise on vent. Even then I still wasn't totally convinced.

  13. FabulousHairyBeastAugust 28, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    Hey now, you didn't seem very traumatized when you found out and we spent that week in Vegas! That really hurts, I gave you something I can never get back.

  14. You guys are retarded. Lol.
    I mean that in the best way possible.
    Keep the laughs coming!

  15. BUMP... >:D. Firstly I just want to say that playing World of Warcraft I was sad to meet a fair few female gamers who did use their gender to gain things they hadn't earnt. However there were others like myself who always did our fair share raiding to earn armour and items etc and didn't expect any special treatment or items due to our gender. What annoyed me the most about wow was that nearly every guy I met on there thought I was actually playing in order to find a man and not because I might get a sense of achievement from killing Deathwing as part of a co-ordinated team effort... Well wakey wakey lads, if I wanted to find a man online I would have logged onto not world of warcraft! Also I did meet many guys playing female characters and who, after the transmog patch, really enjoyed dressing them up and colour co-ordinating their outfits and hair. I don't know if that is disturbing or not to be honest. It was like a lot of grown men enjoying playing virtual barbie dolls.

  16. Screen shot or it didn't happen!

  17. Wow. As a women playing MMORPGs I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Now that I know it is weird for women to play MMORPGs (but not men), I am trying to realize my issues. I should try and focus on more socially acceptable hobbies for women such as shopping and make overs. I apologize for all the women that we are intruding on your men's hobbies. We women should try in the future to take interest in hobbies as far away from your almost exclusively male interest as possible so that way when we seek long term relationships with each other we will have near to nothing in common except complementary genitalia.

  18. Glad I could help. Women appear to be excellent at gauging hyperbole.

  19. So true. Although I have met girls in online games that are sane, friendly and on the rare occasion hot at the same time. But i know exactly what you mean by the emotionally disturbed girls online... I've also met some weird ones...

  20. Lol, yep, that's me, emotionally disturbed "mistress of nerds". Outbursts of profanity, check, nudity, check (but that was a long time ago ; p), indecency, check. Flames, check.

    I like space and dinosaurs too.

    But I'm also the friendly one that answers noob questions and gives away my old crap and makes stuff for free. Just sayin, not a lot of dudes doing that, and if they are.... That's kinda gay.


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